


dutch baby

by Quillium



Series: I Have a Spatula [7]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily Shenanigans, Gen, a lil bit of Babs but not enough to tag her, batfam, not gonna lie there's not a lot of pancakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 01:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillium/pseuds/Quillium
Summary: OPERATION V. 10:01 O’CLOCKJason has never been one who specialized in sniping. He was a Bat after all. Adrenaline, hand-to-hand fights, the crack of skin against skin was what he lived for.But there was a certain satisfaction to sniping, too. The calm of it. The way you had to get it just right. The precision.ORSteph and Dick make a bet on who can get the most chocolates for the least amount of money.





	dutch baby

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be up yesterday tbh but I hadn't written it until something like 6am today so. Happy cheap chocolate day!

“Sale,” Stephanie says, nose red and cheeks white.

“Well, I was going to ask why the fuck you were on my balcony but I guess that answers that question,” Jason squints at Steph. “Why aren’t you taking Cass or the Demon Brat?”

“Dick called dibs on Cass and Dami’s on a diet.”

“He’s _ten_. Why is he on a diet?”

“Well, he’s not, like, _starving_ himself. But he’s just eating, like, vegetables and rice and goat cheese? It’s vegan and delicious and really healthy and he’s learning how to cook with Alfred and when I asked, he was like ‘chocolate is not healthy, Brown, no wonder you’re the weakest Bat’ and I was like—“

“Wait, he actually called you the weakest Bat?”

“It was implied.”

“He likes you, though.”

“Of course he does,” Steph shakes bits of snow off her head, “Are you going to invite me in, or…”

“You’re covered in snow.”

“Astute observation,” Steph sheds her clothing and shoves it onto the fire escape before dumping her boots with them and shouldering past Jason into his room.

“You’re nuts.”

“I’m cold,” Steph corrects Jason, “So, Dick and I have a bet going on—“

“I thought you two hated each other?”

“Meh. Past and whatnot.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“ _You_ don’t make sense.”

“Okay, but—“

“ _Anyways_ ,” Steph cuts Jason off, “We have a bet going on, for who can buy the most chocolate for the least amount of money. Because, y’know, it’s the 15th. So we’ve got the whole post-Valentines chocolate sales going on today.”

“So…?”

“So I’m recruiting you,” Steph puts her hands on her hips, “ _Doi_.”

“Should you be acting so rude to the one that you’re recruiting?”

“Look, dude, I have 24 hours and they started at 6am so if you want to make up your mind, maybe…”

“It’s _eight in the morning_.”

“I know, I’ve already wasted so much time,” Steph mourns, “My only consolation is that Dick hasn’t started yet, either. He spent an hour and a half tracking down Cass, and now he’s going after Babs.”

“Why don’t you have anyone?”

“I, too, spent an hour and a half tracking Cass. She made it a game so she wouldn’t have to decide whose team she was on. Then I went to Dami. And nooow I’m at you.”

“I’m your third choice? Blondie, I’m very offended.”

“Don’t be, I put you above Tim-Tam and I’ve done the nasty with him.”

“ _Really_?”

“Ew, not _that_ nasty. Just, like, kissing.”

“You know that’s not what the nasty means, you were the one who made my mind go there.”

“Details,” Steph waves a hand, “Everyone on my team gets an equal portion of the earnings.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Jason moves purposefully to grab his coat, “Start with that next time!”

“Fine, fine,” Steph moves back to his windowsill.

“ _What are you doing_.”

“Getting my clothes, obviously.”

“You—you’re—“ Jason makes an incoherent noise in the back of his throat. “ _Stay here_. I’m getting your clothes so you don’t freeze to death.”

“I won’t.”

“Yes, because you’re staying here,” Jason slips on his coat and boots and makes his way to the balcony, “Why are you like this.”

Steph shrugs, “Love you, too, bro.”

“This is emotional manipulation.”

“You gotta say it back.”

Jason jumps out the window and flips over to the fire escape to pick up Steph’s clothes. He sighs heavily. “Love you too,” he chucks Steph’s boots through his window, “Hurry up and get dressed, we’ve got chocolate to buy.”

__

**Mission: 0912 Hours**

She keeps her breathing even as she waits on the roof, hair tucked beneath a white hat to avoid detection. Her training is the only thing that keeps Cass from pouncing too soon. Patience will have to do the trick, and she can’t afford to mess up this mission. So she waits, breathing even, while the targets move down the sidewalk.

Closer… closer…

She pounces.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” Jason screams, raising an arm to defend himself. An arm that has a grocery bag with chocolates inside. A fatal mistake.

Cass body slams into him and breaks apart the bag’s straps before slinging it over her shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Stephanie demands.

Cass almost pities her. Almost. But this is her mission and she does not feel bad enough to surrender her chocolate. “Cheapest,” she grins, holding up her spoils of the battle before leaping onto a nearby fire escape.

“Cheater!” Stephanie yells.

Cass cackles and takes to the roofs.

__

“I can’t believe she sneak attacked us!” Steph says, tapping her foot on the ground. “After we got the best deals, too.”

“Dick’s sneaky,” Jason muses, “But is he sneaky enough to come up with a plan like this?”

They exchange looks. “Oh no,” Steph whispers.

“He got Babs on his side,” Jason confirms grimly, “Which means…”

“We need Tim.”

__

“ _No_ ,” Tim says vehemently, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Absolutely not.”

“Timmy. Tim-Tom. Tim-Tam. Darling. Lovely. Love of my life. Wonderful—“

“Flattery will get you—“

“—Everywhere,” Jason leans forward, smirking, an arm braced on the doorframe, “Isn’t that right, Timmers?”

“I told you after the Easter Debacle,” Tim steps back, “ _No way_.”

Steph claps her hands together, “Come on, Tim. It’ll be fun!”

“ _No_. No. Absolutely not. I am still scarred from Easter. You are not ruining a perfectly good holiday—“

“We’re going full war strategy,” Steph examines her nails, “Maps and detective-ing and all that nerdy stuff. Code names and everything.”

Tim squirms, “…no, no, you are not…”

“We’re equally splitting the earnings.”

“Shit,” Tim buries his face in his hands, “I’m going to regret this.”

Jason and Steph high-five.

Jason throws an arm over Tim’s shoulders, “Welcome to the team, bro.”

__

**OPERATION V. 10:01 O’CLOCK**

Jason has never been one who specialized in sniping. He was a Bat after all. Adrenaline, hand-to-hand fights, the crack of skin against skin was what he lived for.

But there was a certain satisfaction to sniping, too. The calm of it. The way you had to get it just right. The precision.

It isn’t his preferred method, but, against opponents like these, he has to be cautious. Follow the plan.

“Target approaching,” Steph whispers in his earpiece.

“Understood,” he murmurs. Cocks his gun. Shoots.

Dick fucking _dodges_ his paint bullet.

Frick frack snickety snack him over with a chainsaw.

“He _dodged_ ,” Jason swears as he shoots a few more times, Dick’s eyes sharp as his lips pull into a grin.

“Of course he did,” Tim says patiently, just a bit of his fanboy nerdiness bleeding in through his voice. “It’s _Dick Grayson_.”

“Cool the geekery, sweets,” Steph says, and there’s the sound of a cape flying before a quiet, “Turning off my comms now.”

“Good luck,” Tim says grimly.

“I’ll need it,” Steph sighs and there’s a _click_ before she’s gone.

Dick readjusts his grip on his bag, smirks at Jason, and begins to run away.

“Coward,” Jason mutters, even though it’s the smartest move. He readjusts his gun and keeps shooting, jumping over roofs to keep pace and occasionally stopping to get a few shots in. They hit, but Dick keeps moving.

“Remember the plan,” Tim says.

“Got it,” Jason rolls his eyes. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

Tim sighs and Jason shoots Dick again.

__

“ _Black_ ,” Dick whines at Barbara, draped over her desk in his new change of clothes. “A perfectly good yellow sweater ruined by _black paintballs_.”

“It is _snowing_ outside,” Barbara shoves a pencil case at Dick’s face, “Why aren’t you wearing a coat in this weather?”

“Not you, too,” Dick moans. “Why is everyone always bugging me about this?”

Barbara rolls her eyes, “I can’t believe you lost a _whole bag_ of chocolate.”

“I know,” Dick pouts, “I’m sorry, Cass.”

Cass sighs from over the comms, “Walmart,” she answers lightly, “Replace.”

“Thanks,” Dick grins, “You’re the best. So sympathetic. Unlike _someone_.”

Barbara flicks Dick’s forehead, “Either make yourself useful or beat it.”

“Alright, alright,” Dick straightens, face turning serious, “So what’s the plan for more chocolate?”

“Well, I’ve been running a simulation and…”

__

“Welp, we’re fucked,” Steph says over a milkshake.

“We could be significantly less fucked if we weren’t sitting here, drinking milkshakes,” Jason says over _vanilla_. Heathen.

Steph slurps her chocolate milkshake extra loud, just to annoy him, and hides her smile when he shoots her an annoyed look. “Maybe. But they have Cass. What we’re doing, really, is delaying the inevitable.”

“Wow,” Tim says, tapping on his phone, “So encouraging.”

“Thanks,” Steph winks at him, “So here’s the plan. We surrender.”

“Um. _What_. What about your bet? Your pride? Your—“

“You just want chocolate, right, Jason?”

Jason shrugs. “In theory, yes.”

“And in practice?”

“…I really just want some chocolate.”

“That’s fine. I’ve got a plan.”

__

The plan is simple. The plan is foolproof.

The plan is join Alfred, Damian and Bruce in making chocolate in the manor.

The plan is simple. The plan is foolproof.

The plan…

“Why the fuck is Bruce covered in flour, again?” Jason asks. _I go to get supplies for ONE SECOND_.

Tim shifts. Damian glowers. Steph beams.

“It appears to be a bonding activity, Master Jason,” Alfred says from beside Jason, arms full of supplies that the two of them got. Alfred is wearing his ‘why-do-I-fucking-bother’ face, though he sounds fond. Probably is, he’s sentimental like that.

“Well,” Jason sighs, “clean yourselves up, then we’ll pour the chocolate into the moods.”

__

“I call dibs on the mermaid molds,” Steph says, elbowing Damian.

“No fair!” Jason protests, “I wanted the mermaid molds!”

“Snoozers are losers!”

__

“…Who made the Batman chocolates?” Bruce asks, arms folded over his chest.

Shuffling.

“I’m not mad, I just want to know.”

“This feels like that one meme,” Tim whispers to Steph, “You know?”

Steph gasps, “Did _Bruce_ do it?”

“They taste wonderful,” Bruce continues. “I especially loved the filling, I believe it was… winter melon or something? Mm, and the chocolate, very milky, I loved…”

“ _Coconut_ filling with dark chocolate!” Damian bursts out, “Father, _please_ do not continue this farce. Even knowing that you are trying to lure me out does not help the pain of listening to this!”

“Holy shit,” Jason mutters, “I’m never going to let this go.”

“Damn,” Tim sighs, “I totally thought it was Jason.”

__

“I’ll tell you where I keep my waffle stash if you give me your share of Dami’s chocolates.”

Hissing. “ _Never_.”

__

“Cheaters,” Dick accuses, arms full of grocery bags, glaring at the couch.

Steph blinks innocently at him from where her head pokes out on the couch arm. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Get your feet off of me,” Jason says, attempting to shove Steph’s legs off his lap with his elbow.

“Eat my dust, suckers,” Tim cackles.

“You won,” Steph waves a hand, “Congrats.”

“You just gave up?” Dick throws his hands in the air, “And went to _Alfie_?”

“Worry not, Richard,” Damian says, flipping a page, “We have waited for you and Cassandra to come to make more. There are leftovers in the fridge.”

“I love you, Dami.”

Damian makes a face at Dick, but when his back is turned, he hides a smile behind his book.

Steph grins. “Happy cheap chocolate day, guys.”

__

“A dutch baby to go with the chocolate,” Jason says, manoeuvring the objects on the table so that he can find a place to set down his plates, but he eventually gives up.

“Just put mines on my lap,” Tim says absently.

“Your laptop is on your lap,” Jason squints.

“Oh.” Tim blinks a bit, like he’s rebooting.

“Put it on my lap,” Dick winks and Tim squints at him.

“Gross, we’re literally brothers,” Jason says.

Dick sighs, “You’re all terrible people.”

“Don’t worry, we all love you,” Steph pecks him on the cheek and uses the opportunity to snatch a few chocolates from Dick’s hand.

“Thief!”

“Opportunist,” Steph gives a few chocolates to Cass, “Right?”

Cass takes a bite of the chocolate. “Opportunist,” she agrees sagely.

“Cass is just susceptible to bribery,” Dick moans.

“How dare you,” Bruce hides a smirk behind the book that he’s reading, “Accusing Cass of such things. Really, Dick.”

“ _Bruce_.”

“I love you, too.”

“Urgh. I’m usually really happy to hear you say that but you’re totally manipulating me right now.”

Bruce pinches his fingers together.

“ _Father_ ,” Damian says, scandalized.

“I love you, too, son.”

“Ah… well…” Damian reddens and retreats.

Jason snickers.

“Ooh,” Steph takes a plate from where it’s precociously balanced on Jason’s elbow, “I call dibs on this one. It’s got powdered sugar and strawberries, oh my god.”

“Cute,” Cass notes as Steph flops down next to her, and then takes a chunk from the edge. “Hot!”

Steph laughs, “You’re good at food-ing, Jason.”

Jason sets down the rest of the plates and smirks, “I know.”

Steph throws a strawberry at Jason. Jason catches it in his mouth.

“Wasting food?”

“I knew you’d eat it, you glutton.”

“Guilty as charged,” Jason leans on Tim, “Hey, you wanna trade fruit? I’ve got blackberry.”

“You think I’ll trade _blueberry_ for _blackberry_? Are you nuts?”

“You don’t wanna trade, then I’ll just take—“

Tim _bites_ Jason’s hand.

“What the fuck!?”

“Defence measures activated,” Steph grins.

“WHAT.”

“Tim bites people?”

“Tim, please don’t bite people.”

“Bruce, that was fucking weak. You grounded me after I bit someone, why does Tim get away with it?”

“You were ten years old and fighting in a dirty alley, do you know how _unsanitary_ that was?”

“Wait, Dick _bit_ someone as _Robin_?”

__

Steph may have lost the bet, but, she thinks as she leans over to take another one of Alfred’s homemade chocolates, she still won in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving further and further away from pancakes and it vaguely worries me?


End file.
